New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
