I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I haven't been this sober since birth.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
