You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
