kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he fucked my hip out of place.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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