Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
