i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
