i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
