so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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