i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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