Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
