I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
