on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's shark week go big or go home
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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