hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize