Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
