yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
