oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
