you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
