her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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