the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
