im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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