You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize