I think my fart just growled at me.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
