CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
