It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
