I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
