Dude my mom stole all your condoms
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
