you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
