The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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