remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
