It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she peed on how many people?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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