currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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