I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
