it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
