12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
if only i could text you this smell
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
