I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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