Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
