I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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