i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
