pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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