Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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