Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
