You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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