We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
