I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
