you would pick up someone in the library
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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