Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
