So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
