Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
