I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize