Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
