i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
