Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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