well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
