just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
