Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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