I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
