Screwed.edu
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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