How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
