4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
