I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We are all done wearing pants today
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
