i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
