Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
