ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
