He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
