I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
