It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
