New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What a dumb baby whore.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize