I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
