I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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